im fighting with myself again.. this screws up all my relationships.. it is my own mind.. not anyone.. haiz.. i failed today... i wanted so much to make it special, i wanted so much to make an impact, and yet in the end... i couldnt even do a simple gift.. wats wrong with me.. i had to fail twice.. then even in the letter i gave.. i couldnt even say wat i wanted to say.. i tot she wouldnt really bother.. but when i saw her read, it was different.. see wat i mean... its my mine that makes me think she doesnt care.. but in actual fact.. im wrong.. and im always lost for words when i get a chance to really thank you for being in my life.. haiz.. i dont even know wat to think now.. i cant even trust my thoughts from wondering into stuff that are definately wrong.. i dont want to think.. i dont even know why i try but let me try and form my words one more time..